my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize