I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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