So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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