The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
