mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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