did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
