No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
