These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
