wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
