so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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