I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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