The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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