So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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