you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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