So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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