I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
