The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize