Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
