If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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