Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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