Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You are a genius and a whore.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
