Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
