your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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