i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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