Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
