the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
