only if we run a train.
done.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
