Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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