I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize