I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
