Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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