Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
