apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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