My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
