i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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