He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
