I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
