so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
