yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We need to get me chipped asap
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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