I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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