i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
