I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
