I cannot find my penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
