Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
