Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
