My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
