I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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