im drinking this country out of the recession.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
