FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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