my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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