I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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