I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
