I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize