I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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