there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
