this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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