Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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