but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
