Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
