WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
