I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
