dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
