I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
