so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
