Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
