i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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