I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
