Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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