I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
