I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
