Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
