If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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