yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
