I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
