I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize