I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
