fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize