ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
is it fun? or sober?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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