I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
