If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize