some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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