what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
