Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
