she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bring me that man meat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize