I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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