All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
