I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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