i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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