THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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