if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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