If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
