Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
