Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
