you guys were way drunker than both of me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
