Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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