why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
