glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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