this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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