I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize