My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
