I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
