would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
