Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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