He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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