The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
