I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
