Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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