He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
