I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
