So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
