i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
