Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
my liver is dry heaving
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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