my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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