DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need a beard to bite.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
