we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
