we're blogging at a bar
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
