OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
