That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
did i walk over a car last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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