I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize