I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
