He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize